I’m not doing it. I’m just not. I know I say the same thing every year, but this time I mean it — I am not playing it this year. Seriously, how many times can I possibly be expected to play that stupid song? I bet if you counted the number of times I’ve played it over the years, it probably adds up to, like, a jillion. I’m not even exaggerating. One jillion times. Well, not this year.
This year, I’m just going to say, “Sorry, folks, I’m only playing holiday songs tonight.” Yeah, that’s a good plan. That’s definitely what I’m going to do, and if they don’t like it, tough cookies. It’ll just be tough cookies for them.
But I know exactly what’ll happen. I’ll sit down, play a few holiday songs, and then some drunk jerk will yell out “‘Piano Man,’” and everybody will start clapping, and I’ll look like a real asshole if I don’t play it.
I wonder if they’ll have shrimp cocktail.